Desi Comedy

Toronto, ON – A recent study by a group of University of Toronto students has determined that cases of stalking amongst Indian males aged 20-55, is directly influenced by the characters played by male Bollywood film stars.

Research was conducted on convicted felons of such charges who were of South Asian descent and lived in the Brampton & Malton areas, where crimes of passion are significantly high. The subjects were required to view a series of Indian films while all physical and emotional responses were recorded. Some scenes included song & dance numbers, stranger saving heroine from potential rapists, showing up wherever the heroine goes, the “nevertakenoforananswer” scene, the going to extreme lengths to prove your love scene, the infamous couple trapped in a barn scene and of course the heroine dancing barefoot on glass scene.

After extensive viewings and recordings, researchers found that when male characters behaved in ways that are traditionally considered obsessive, persistent, annoying, suffocating or flat out irritating were actually viewed as being romantic gestures by 95% of all subjects. Subjects felt that to win a woman’s heart you must never quit and that no matter what, she will eventually fall in love with you. Especially when you are given an opportunity to save her life. This pretty much guarantees marriage regardless of whether or not the girl is already in love with someone else including your arch enemy.

DCN had a chance to speak in depth with one reformed stalker/Bollywood Casanova named Ravi Malhotra about the impact Indian films had on his life. “I was just a normal teenager when I first arrived to Canada. When I was in high school the girls would pass me by and my friends and I would stare intently at the girls and make romantic comments. We would call them lovely and sexy. When the girls gave us dirty looks we got more excited, because you see, that for us was the indication that the girl love us.” At this point Ravi broke out into a song from the movie Daar. Once he regained his composure he added, “The more a girl protests and says no, the more she wants the attention. She says no to see how much and how far you will go to show your love. You must prove your love. It is the necessary thing. This is where the romance would begin. This is all what I have learned from the Hindi films I have watched and enjoyed.”

Researches unanimously concluded that South Asian males are influenced by the films and are given the idea that persistence and overt behavior is justified because, according to the films, it is the only way you will get the girl. If you or anyone you know demonstrates these views please hold them tightly and slap them with a fist full of reality.