Desi Comedy

Mississauga, ON – She’s 22, in university and works part time at a trendy clothing store in Square One, the centre of Mississauga. Monica Sharma enjoys clubbing on the weekends, attending all the latest jams and bashes, participating in fashion shows, chatting it up on her cell phone, watching the latest hindi films and ofcourse hanging out with her large circle of friends. She’s quite an attractive girl who says that she’s often mistaken for being Spanish or Italian. Her brown skin is smooth and her bright blue contacts add to her exotic look.

Besides her good looks and busy life, Monica wants everyone to know that she is no typical Desi girl and will defend herself to anyone who thinks otherwise.

“First off, I’m no typical Indian girl. Hell no! I don’t gossip or judge people like all those other wack ass tricks out there. I don’t sit around talking shit about other girls’ men and their business. What do I care if Reena’s out hugging up on Tina’s younger brother while her man is busy smoking up and getting it on with that bitch Samina from Oakville. That shit’s so dry. I have my own life to worry about. By the way Samina’s a bitch because she’s always giving me cut eye everytime she sees me. She’s so jealous. I swear I get cut eye from every brown girl out there. Like, get over it. Also, I’m not all jealous like the rest of them. Nor do I go around thinking that every guy wants me. Even if they’re always howling at me and shit when I walk by them. I swear if you knew how many #’s I got everytime I went clubbing you’d call me the white pages. Or brown pages. Haha. See I have a wicked sense of humour unlike those snobby bitches. The only time they even laugh or have a good time is when they’re drinking and smoking. It’s pathetic. I swear they’re all a bunch of groupie ho’s. They die over some man just because he’s got some connection at some club or he promotes jams and shit. Like, please bitch. I was dancing in this Bollywood Superstar show at the Air Canada Centre last year and you should’ve seen them. All googly eyed and jealous cause I was performing with Hrithak Roshan. Then I went to this after party with him and some other actors, I swear, they followed the limo in their cars and were stalking us like paparazzis. God it was hilarious. Aaah. What else, Oh… What’s up them being so two-faced and fake. It’s like they keep a knife with them all the time just in case they feel like stabbing you in the back. My ex-best friend, Serena, this West Indian girl, went around talking all sorts of shit about me. Rupy, this mutual friend of ours, told me all the trash talking she was doing. Damn bitch. It’s not my fault your man was wanting to be all up in mine. Jealous kuthi. By the way… I’m really proud to be Indian. I don’t get all happy and flattered if someone mistakes me for a non-Indian. What’s up with that? It’s like they get all disappointed if some non-Indian person guesses that they’re Indian or they don’t mention that they don’t look Indian. So friggin’ insecure these girls. When I got my blue contacts, not that I’m not happy with my natural eyes but my ex-boyfriend worked at Lens Crafters so he always used to hook me up so I just wear them for fun and everyone thinks they’re my real eyes anyway. Anyhow, when I got mine, I saw a whole pack of them get almost the same colour the week later. Like, how fake? You can just tell how fake they look. These girls might as well get boob jobs while they’re at it and then they wouldn’t have to keep putting tissues in their bras.”

“Oh another thing that makes me so different is that I dON’t tYPe aLL wACk LiKE THiS wHEn I’M cHAttINg oNLiNE. WHaT’s uP WiTH tHAt iLLiTERaTe SHiT??? And I’d never meet someone off the net. I meet enough guys every weekend. Please, no more. Well actually, I did meet a couple guys but that was because I needed some tickets to this jam and he had some hookup. We still talk every now and then. I think we made out one time but I was drunk so I don’t fully remember. Oh and then there was this one guy Sunny. We’re really tight now. I do rakhi on him every year and he calls me his older sis. How sweet eh?”

“Anyway, I swear any guy would be so lucky to be with me because of my uniqueness. I’m really proud of myself and who I am. My parents are especially proud of me.”